Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
