I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize