There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize