The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
