remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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