Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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