So drunk its hurt
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize