You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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