I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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