Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
