Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Even the bartender felt bad for me
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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