he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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