I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
