I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
