my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
