I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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