i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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