Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
