I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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