I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
