O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
