yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
