I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
