ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
