i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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