the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
