I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
