He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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