Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
