you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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