she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
