3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
