can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
