ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
high people should be assigned attendants
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
