I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
