Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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