In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
there is puke in my bra ... again
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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