i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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