Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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