i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
