Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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