don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
