my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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