Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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