just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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