just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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