Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
