I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
