How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
