I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize