you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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