I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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