I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
