My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
