I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
false alarm, still single
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
