So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
