i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
