gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We had to coat check the pizza.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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