Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
