I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
