if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
