Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
