My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
