I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
