so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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