when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
