oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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