Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
