After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I don't think brook has ever known best
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
